Benny Benassi – Spaceship (Music Video Review)
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To review the video for Benny Benassi’s newest release “Spaceship,” one needs to resort to a series of immature descriptors to fully capture the broader sense of how bad this video really is. Here it goes.
It sucks. IT SUCKS! It sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks. It is hands down one of the suckiest pieces of suckfests to ever be released. It truly sucks. No other word can fully describe how much it sucks. If it were a dinosaur it would be Tyrannosaurus Sucks. If it was an ice cream flavor it would be Cookies n’ Sucks. If it were a book it would be Moby Sucks Dick.
OK. Now that the middle school tirade is over, let’s analyze why this video … sucks.
The video opens with Benny Benassi meditating in an Asian garden with snow on the ground. The camera zooms into his mind and takes the viewer on a journey into space-themed screensaver until being transported onto — you guessed it — a “Spaceship.” The spaceship looks exactly like one of those Black & Decker “Laser Levels” that are sold to thousands of ungrateful children each year after forgetting Father’s Day.
The Black & Decker Spaceship is lost in an asteroid belt, most likely because Benassi is steering the vessel with a turntable, until he blows up an asteroid using a button labeled “Flow Generator.”
“Whoa!!!” is what people would be saying if this video came out in 1957. He turns to his chunky assistant, who looks like Joey Fatone from N*Sync, and gives him an awkward high five. A really awkward high five.
The viewer is then brought into the spaceship — which looks like a retroversion of TRON. Keep in mind that TRON came out in 1982, and had much better special effects than this video. Jean-Baptiste — the singer, not the son of Dollar-coin icon Sacagawea — then chimes in with some amazing lyrics.
“Jump on the spaceship
Jump on the spaceship
Jump on the spaceship
Jump on the spaceship.”
If this were “America’s Got Talent,” he would have been buzzed off the stage after the second “trip on spaceship.”
Kelis then enters into the video, wearing a futuristic version of a Girl’s Scout outfit with weird robot ears. She is singing and strutting on the bridge of Darth Vader’s Starship Destroyer enlightening the listener with lyrical gems like,
“Sitting on top of the world
Watching the stars
Go by
I got my head in a dream
Got my head in the clouds
I can fly
I can fly
I can fly
So get high
So get high
So get high.”
Seriously? So, LSD was both a part of the writing and singing of this song? Usually people who create “art” when they are high on LSD — or PCP, mushrooms, Angel Dust, etc. — usually sober up and realize that what they created was total crap. Apparently everyone involved in creating this song and video continued to hallucinate all the way up until the YouTube upload.
Enter Black Eyed Peas member apl.de.ap, who seems very comfortable in his natural environment of a neon light factory. He raps something incomprehensible, and then the spaceship lands on a red planet. After landing, guess what happens between DJ “Pilot” Benassi and Joey “Co-Pilot” Fat One? Yep! HIGH FIVE!
The “crew” goes exploring on the red planet, which is obviously a soundstage that had a few fake rocks thrown on the ground. They stand around staring up at the sky until asteroids attack the planet, most likely due to the initial explosion THEY CAUSED. The singers then do the WORST ACTING JOB EVER reacting to all of the “realistic” explosions. Porno has better acting. Much better acting.
The explosion takes Kelis into a black hole where she flips and turns — without ever moving her body. They didn’t even try to make it look like she was in the air. The producers literally just took video of Kelis standing in front of a green screen and rotated the image using MS Paint.
The entire crew then appears … riding bikes with flames coming off of them. Who the hell thought this looked cool? It looks like a Spin Class in the 1980s.
They manage to make it back to the spaceship, where they all “Trip on spaceship / Trip on spaceship / Trip on spaceship / Trip on spaceship.” The ship is rocking around, but the crew is still standing there as the entire universe shakes around them. Could they not afford seatbelts on the spaceship?
The video ends as it begins, with Benassi in his meditation state. Oh! It was all a hallucination. What an amazing twist.
Now that the video was successfully shot, edited, and uploaded to YouTube, the effects of an LSD trip have sure to worn off. It’s not too late to take the video down though and spare other people from having to view this horrible piece of garbage.
Posted on 07/4/10
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Back To Blog - Tags: Benny Benassi, Dance Music, Flopped, Kelis, Music Video, Review
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